Patiently Waiting For The Revolution Is Killing Me. Is It Killing You?

This nervous eye twitch I’m developing and Fugazi listening binge I’m on are probably only the beginning.

I have recently developed a nervous eye twitch. Yes, it’s true, I have also been consuming 600 milligrams of caffeine daily for the past six months. But, when I was ten years younger I was consuming three times that amount of caffeine, and my body felt wonderful — there was nary a vibration in my eyelid to be felt. I can point directly to why I am afflicted with his annoying nervous tick, though. This eye twitch is the fault of left-leaning revolutionaries worldwide. It’s because they’re not currently protesting in my home of Washington, DC on a daily basis that I’m constantly on alert. I am readily aware of just how historically astounding and terrifying to liberal sensibilities that these times are. Thus, there’s something about Molotov cocktails, seas of immolated humanity, guerrilla paramilitary forces springing into violent action, and riotous gang bludgeoning of conservative-leaning passers by not being an active part of my daily experience that’s bizarrely troubling. Bizarre, if only because I know that this mayhem is coming, but I cannot pinpoint either the time or place when it’s all going down.