On pro wrestling, carnivals and why WWE sucks in 2015

This company doesn’t have to be so abjectly terrible, right?

For as much as professional wrestling is a quasi-sport that involves talented athletes doing athletic things, the business of pro wrestling has always been most successful when achieving an uneven balance of being more 19th century travelling carnival industry and less quasi-sports business. Unfortunately, for WWE in 2015, in the company focusing on representing less of the aspects of travelling carnivals and more of the aspects of quasi-sport, the company — though still fiscally successful — in level and quality of performance, is dis-enchanting (but not quite losing) more fans arguably than ever before. In understanding the failings of nine of the various carnival tricks that WWE chairman Vince McMahon (pictured above alongside current WWE Champion Roman Reigns) has failed in showcasing in 2015, we get a sense of what’s wrong (and what could be improved) in World Wrestling Entertainment.

1. Roman Reigns — The Visible Invisible Man

Action film star Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was once full-time employed by WWE, and I think that he’s easily the most charismatic performer the company’s ever had. He was more than athletically gifted enough to fill the role as ten-time World Champion, too. Though he still appears yearly (and occasionally wrestles) at the company’s yearly crown jewel WrestleMania event, since 2003, The Rock has largely been a part-time performer in WWE. However, in Vince McMahon believing that The Rock’s cousin Leati “Roman Reigns” Anoa’i is a suitable replacement for The Rock, he’s installed the memory of how great The Rock was as a full-time wrestler as an “invisible man” in WWE, which in Roman Reigns just not being 1/10th as great as The Rock was, severely limits the success of WWE overall.

At present, Roman Reigns is the WWE World Champion. Similar to The Rock, Reigns is less than five years into his career as a pro wrestler and holds WWE’s most prestigious championship. Dis-similar to The Rock though is the fact that Reigns has yet to succeed at turning the crowd’s initial dis-interest in his persona into a fawning and abiding love of absolutely everything he does. There are those that believe that pro wrestling is best when a performer eschews significant creative direction from a company and instead infuses 110% of their most charismatic self into a character. There’s an argument to be made that if/when WWE fans see Reigns as his own, best and unique self, and not as “hey, you’re The Rock’s cousin, trying to do things that The Rock uniquely did well” that he’ll excel. Until that point, he’s the “visible invisible man,” which as a carnival attraction at-present in WWE, isn’t really exciting the whole audience.

2. Vince McMahon — The Resurrected Man

Chris Benoit.

Remember him? You know, the steroid-addled, brain-diseased and multiple-concussion suffering legendary pro wrestler who murdered his wife and child in June 2007 and then hanged himself? Let’s remember that a week before this horrible tragedy that on WWE programming that Vince McMahon blew himself up in a car in order to begin a television storyline that would create a new top performer out of the person who “killed” his “Mr. McMahon” character. Of course, once Chris Benoit actually died in the manner that he did, VINCE McMahon (note, not MR. McMahon) returned to TV and acknowledged that his “death” was a storyline.

VINCE McMahon (in any incarnation) has not been a significant character on television in eight years, until four weeks ago when McMahon decided that the “Visible Invisible Man” Roman Reigns needed an extra boost of credibility to gain popularity with WWE fans. For the better part of fifteen months, a portion of them have consistently booed Reigns’ attempts at winning the World Championship. Basically, in a manner similar to what Jay Z once told Mobb Deep about their boasts of credibility in 2001 rap dis track “Takeover,” the “WWE Universe” is telling Roman, Vince and WWE’s creative team that, in order for Reigns to be seen as a worthy champion, “we don’t believe [him], [he needs] more people.”

More people came to Reigns’ rescue in the personage of Vince McMahon’s legitimate son-in-law Triple H, who plays the on-screen “Authority” of the company. Upon Reigns losing versus stereo-typically Irish bad-guy champion Sheamus (who initially won the championship a month prior via a storyline loophole that allowed him to defeat Reigns after a brief five-minute run as champion), Reigns’ anger boiled over. When Triple H attempted to calm him, Reigns proceeded to viciously assault him. The next night, Vince McMahon himself returned, and as you see via the video above, kicked Reigns low, insulted him, and in marshaling all of his charisma, actually created a situation where a WWE crowd was united behind Roman Reigns.

Of course, WWE could’ve listened to their crowds and when the WWE crowds turned against Reigns, just allowed him to become a top bad guy performer and given the people what they wanted. Instead, carnival barker McMahon, showing off all of his hubris, pulled off a seemingly impossile carnival trick, “resurrected” himself, and square-peg good guy Reigns was pounded into the round hole WWE fanbase. Whether or not Reigns will ultimately be accepted as a top good guy is unknown, but what an amazing carnival trick, right?

3. Brock Lesnar — The Strongman

For the better part of 13 years, the baddest man on the planet has unequivocally been four-time WWE World Champion, former UFC Heavyweight Champion, and NCAA Division I Heavyweight Wrestling Champion Brock Lesnar. He’s probably the most legitimate fighting sports athlete to ever appear in pro wrestling, and moreover understands how to carry himself as such, which oftentimes involves throwing opponents across the ring as if he were succeeding at a carnival-esque feat of strength.

In an era where pro wrestling is easily seen as less “real” than ever before, the guy who has ALL of the legitimate wrestling credits stands out like more of a sore thumb than ever before, too. This puts WWE at a crossroads. Brock Lesnar’s a draw. Whenever he wrestles, many more people than usual tune in because it’s like, “oh man…the ‘real’ wrestler is going to do ‘real’ wrestling things to ‘fake’ wrestlers. On 100 different levels, that’s both appealing and damaging, too.

Brock just can’t face everyone and draw. There’s very few wrestlers left in WWE that have the mainstream marketability and tough-guy personal branding to stand across from Brock Lesnar and be a believable opponent. Thus, we saw Brock Lesnar fight the 50-year old Undertaker on multiple occasions in 2015. If the people don’t believe that what you’re doing in the ring is “real,” then there’s really no reason to watch. “Strongman” Brock’s a carnival gift and a curse.

4. The Undertaker Drinks “The Elixir Of Youth”

Mark Calaway is “The Undertaker,” who as a performer is a seven-foot tall and 300-pound 50-year old man who has wrestled for 25 years in World Wrestling Entertainment. From 2011–2014, ‘taker’s health and well-being (from being so tall, carrying that much weight and being involved in literally ALL manner of death-defying matches) have been so significantly in question that his schedule has been limited to literally JUST wrestling at WrestleMania. However, because performers like the aforementioned “Visible Invisible Man” Roman Reigns and perennial champion John Cena aren’t necessarily retaining members of the WWE fanbase, Undertaker’s wrestled Brock Lesnar, character semi-clone Bray Wyatt and others in a total of just under ten matches in the past 12 months.

Somehow, The Undertaker appears to have metaphorically sipped an “Elixir of Youth” and re-joined McMahon’s carnival. Unfortunately, in the law of diminishing returns being what it is, even he’s been unable to stem the tide of suck in WWE at-present.

5. STING and The WWE Network as “The Old Bait and Switch”

Above all else, WWE is a business. Thus, when WWE noticed their pay-per-view revenues and TV ratings slipping, they invented the “WWE Network,” a website-as-content hub where old pay-per-view events, B-level first-run matches, main roster developmental group NXT and the literal entire history of pro wrestling on TV would be housed for monthly $9.99 subscription. When WWE finally signed and debuted long-time non-WWE star Sting to a contract in 2014, wrestling fans were excited because they thought that they were going to get Sting in a series of “dream match” scenarios. However, given what they’ve seen of Sting since, they should’ve seen it for what it was, a signing-as-ploy for increased WWE Network subscriptions.

Sting’s appeared mainly on “pay-per-view” events, which are now aired live on the WWE Network. Of course, Sting’s now 56-years old, so the quality of his in-ring performances has significantly deteriorated since his 1990s performance heyday. In effect, what WWE is doing is telling their fans, “hey, pay for this low-grade 2015 Sting match on the WWE Network. BUT, now that you have this subscription, feel free to stick around and watch all of these other AWESOME Sting matches from the 1990s, too.” This is a great idea in theory, but when then-champion Seth Rollins wrestled Sting (ON THE NETWORK) at September’s Night of Champions event, Rollins threw Sting into the ring turnbuckles in a way that injured his neck so severely that Sting required surgery to correct cervical spinal stenosis.

At this point, it’s fair to call the “old bait and switch” with classic superstars’ appearances being used as lures for Network subscriptions a success (there’s one million-plus Network subscribers) with a huge side of failure.

6. Seth Rollins —The Acrobat

There was once a time in pro wrestling where the most acrobatic performer was a guy named Argentina Rocca, whose most amazing maneuver was a leaping move where he scissored his opponents head and caused them to take a forward roll, appropriately called the flying headscissors. 30 years later, Mexican-American masked performer Rey Mysterio, Jr. was known for a headscissors take down done after springing from the top rope that ended in a double leg cradle pinning hold. Repeatedly doing manuevers like these takes quite the toll on the human body. In his career, between both knees, Rey Mysterio has required ten-plus knee surgeries.

Ten years after Mysterio’s arguable peak as a performer, one-time WWE Champion Seth Rollins currently performs maneuvers similar to those of both Rocca and Mysterio, plus others including a “Phoenix spalsh.” The Phoenix splash includes standing on the top turnbuckle while facing away from your opponent laying on the mat below. From there, the wrestler performs a 180-degree turn in mid-air and then performs a body splash on the mat-based opponent after a 450-degree mid-air rotation.

Not surprisingly, after a 12 year career of doing high-risk moves like these, on November 4, 2015, Rollins tore his ACL, MCL and meniscus in his left knee while wrestling in a match in Dublin, Ireland. After fifty years of making the acrobat a key carnival feature, in 2015, it’s yet another attraction that fell harmfully short of expectations.

7. NXT — Clowns and Trapeze Artists

NXT has evolved into a WWE Network televised and touring promotion unto itself highlighting newly-signed performers to WWE who are developing their skills as potential main roster performers. The brand is largely managed as a company by Paul “Triple H” Levesque, and the wrestlers themselves are a mix of one-time non-WWE affiliated independent performers, ex-Japanese and Mexican wrestlers, new-to-wrestling athletes and more. In the brand being not under the same watch as globally broadcast main roster, Levesque is able to execute a level of quality control over the who, what, when, where, why and how of NXT that for long-time wrestling fans creates a product that literally ALWAYS satisfies.

In 2015, one company featured two separate brands. The main, USA Network aired roster features live broadcasts where the World Champion and other top good-guy performers are oftentimes told how much they “suck.” The “subordinate” brand which is only aired first-run via the streaming-only WWE Network oftentimes draws comparably-sized crowds, and when they tour the United Kingdom, soccer-loving UK fans devise soccer-style chants to support both good guys and bad guys alike. Just like clowns and trapeze artists, NXT constantly entertains, surprises and rarely ever fails to deliver as expected.

But, have you ever seen the clowns headline a carnival? Exactly.

8. The Divas Revolution — The “Bearded Ladies” (Don’t) Reign Supreme

At various points in WWE history, women have grappled in matches that involved hair pulling and eye gouging and have also at times settled scores with each other by stripping nude in the middle of the ring, being thrown in vats of pudding and been dehumanized by being forced to bark like a dog. On July 13, 2015, when new-to-Monday Night Raw NXT standouts Charlotte, Sasha Banks and Becky Lynch actually executed technical wrestling maneuvers in the middle of the ring, the “divas revolution” began. However, it’s taken a little time for WWE to embrace the idea of women not wrestling in catfights and being demeaned, much to the chagrin of fans and evolution of the presentation of women’s wrestling alike.

For WWE to properly present women as wrestlers, it requires much more than women to merely “wrestle like men,” while still being scripted in storylines that were once so benign as to possibly warrant hair pulling. Women in wrestling are oftentimes presented as catty divas who can’t be friendly with each other. In portraying the oldest and worst of stereotypes of women, yet using technical maneuvers and holds once solely the province of male performers in WWE, it creates a disjointed “bearded lady” feel for women’s wrestling on television. Maybe in moving more towards a product that reflects women as competitors grappling motivated by winning athletic contests for championships, the “revolution” that took place in July can actually change the perception of WWE rather than be an appearance by bearded ladies at a carnival consumed by a vibe of underwhelming failure.

9. Kevin Owens and Dean Ambrose — The Lion Tamers

There’s a crew of guys in WWE — headlined by Kevin Owens and Dean Ambrose, two wrestlers who are currently embroiled in a feud over the company’s secondary Intercontinental Championship — who in the face of these incredible odds against the company being a consistently entertaining circus, succeed on a weekly basis in doing so. They, alongside former World Champion John Cena, and a literally world of journeyman grapplers like “Swiss superman” Cesaro, high-flying British lightweight Neville, Canadian-born and ethnically Syrian wrestler Sami Zayn, American pretty boy Dolph Ziggler and more — like lion tamers — effortlessly conquer metaphorical savage beasts as though they are of no worry or consequence whatsoever. In these wrestlers actually presenting wrestling as a competition devoid of all carnival fuckery whatsoever, they balance the sucking tide of absolute bullshit being largely presented at-present to the WWE fanbase

Currently, WWE’s creative team has a group comprised of more cartoon than carnival-style tough foreign goons chasing down “Visible Invisible Man” Roman Reigns as the show’s dominant storyline. While that’s happening, there’s Canadian bad boy Kevin Owens (whose raison d’etre in WWE is that he’s a father and husband who solely fights to make more money for his family) and Reigns’ legitimate and storyline friend Dean Ambrose doing battle over a secondary championship. These matches are actually engaging and entirely believable because their matches are athletic, and — because the rest of the company fails at it so grossly — adorned with as little carnival tomfoolery as possible.

WWE’s product-at-present is a directionless, unbalanced and not-so-entertaining rampaging beast. When the lion tamers are employed by the company and not given the ability to control said beast and restore a carnival-to-sport balance, it’s an absolute shame, and ultimately ruins the carnival overall.