I Triple Dog Dare Donald Trump To Do Any Of This Stuff

This is all like being dared to ride a fearsome stand-up roller coaster when I was 12 years old

When I was 12 years old, there was no greater badge of courage to be had for a young man in my circle of friends than travel to Doswell, Virginia’s Kings Dominion amusement park and be triple dog dared into surviving a two-minute long ride on the now decommissioned Shockwave, then the third-ever stand-up roller coaster built in the world. What passes for a dog-dared “badge of courage” in my life as a 39-year old man is a thrill ride like none that anyone has ever experienced.

This past week, Donald Trump levied insane and truly dotard-appearing threats against world leaders, iconic athletes, North Koreans, Mexicans, immigrant children, Obamacare recipients, Hillary Clinton supporters, foreign nationals oftentimes stereotyped as terrorists who want to enter the United States, and more. Simultaneously, there’s entire islands that have been swept away by hurricanes, parts of countries near to our own that have been rendered uninhabitable by earthquakes, and major American industrial hubs almost buried underwater. Thus, as an adult, I live at a time where surviving the TWO MILLION minute long roller coaster ride of Donald Trump’s four year Presidential term seems like the…